"Jake"

It is easy to get rid of mental illness,

I didn't believe it till now,

I think of what I did before,

And all the joy that I found,

I forgot I was ill,

Just briefly for a moment,

Took in life slowly,

Breathing still for a second,

Life is full of lessons,

Full of learning curves,

And I've got enough left in the tank to learn them,

I'm only just out of my teens,

2024 of course,

I'm 19 years old and 20 before I blink,

I've lived a life of struggle,

Not as much as some mind you,

But suicide and mental health struggles has played a part,

I tried to take my life at 12, 

Late in the night and the age,

Lived life secretly hating myself till 17,

Threatened to kill my friends and family,

Unfortunately at the time I was serious,

So many people push me to the edge,

I've spent so long controlling my temper that it slips sometimes,

I'm not perfect,

A bad boyfriend I've been in the past,

And to both of my exes I'm sorry for that,

A bad brother I've been to my sister,

Arguments in our past,

A bad son I've been to my parents,

Sorry for all the pain I've caused,

I remember the me I liked,

I've been sent back to hell somehow,

It was all my own fault,

I realise that now,

I've hated myself yet all I needed was love,

Couldn't even get that anywhere else,

So instead I've sat here hurting myself,

Take the step forward for once and find that everything will be alright,

I'm sorry Jake,

I've let you down,

I'm sorry to myself,

It's only been now I realised,

I only tried to help,

But I pushed everyone away including myself,

I lost who I really am,

Playing a character for so long,

The mask is stuck on,

Sometimes it slips and everything seems easy in the moment,

Cos that's the real me and I miss that,

Sometimes good and bad but I'd rather that then be fake,

I owe everyone an apology,

But I'm sorry most of all to myself…Jake