"Addict"

I'm addicted to heartbreak,

Drunk on pain and discomfort,

Keep drinking it till I'm numb,

I've wanted to heal now,

For so many years,

But I push it away when I've got some,

I started pushing away,

Back in 2014,

Simpler times,

Maybe,

Angry at myself,

Sick of all the lies that I told,

A face full of warmth,

Yet a heart that's cold,

A heart of stone,

Softened by the breeze,

Positive emotions,

Infecting me like disease,

Biting in every place,

Swear to god I got fleas,

The world pushed me down,

Now I'm begging on my knees,

I'm sorry to myself,

You were trying to help,

Yet I pushed you to the wayside,

I used to be fun,

Dedicate myself to love,

But that big part of me died,

Long time no see,

Look it's old me,

Finally free from the dark,

The clouds cleared up,

There's still the storm,

Here comes the lightning. Is there a spark?,

Can I reinvigorate,

And reignite,

And refresh myself,

Go to fight,

For myself,

Every night,

Can I remember wrong from right,

Can I only see myself,

In a goddamn darkened light,

I could've just forgot the trauma,

I remembered out of spite,

I'm addicted to myself,

I'm addicted to trauma,

I'm addicted to change,

Secretly a reformer,

But I cannot change,

I will lose my help,

Cos I help everyone else,

But ignore myself….