"Stockholm" - Pining After an Ex Poem

I feel so lonely sometimes that life just seems different,

I can't believe I'm saying this but my ex hurt me yet I miss it,

She's just got with someone new,

And I'm sat here wondering what I should do,

She left me alone for a year and some,

Contact sporadic along the way,

I declined to call,

Talk to the wall,

Is all you'd hear me say,

I can't believe I'm saying this but I'd take all of the pain,

Just to see her face again,

Even if it's painted in disdain,

Sometimes people forget I'm human,

I have my own emotions,

I can't seem to get anything right,

Or set any of my plans in motion,

I loved her for a while,

I was in denial,

At all the bad she caused,

Every time I close my eyes,

I remember the blame,

And i'd pause,

She fired back a reel of insults,

To make me feel guilty for telling the truth,

I'd nearly always give in,

Except the last argument when I broke,

I hurt her and held firm,

Defended, for once, my honour,

I demanded respect from her,

But it never arrived,

She spat blame back in fury,

Gave me a real rhythm of hurt,

Like commentary from Peter Drury,

She hurt me so,

I’d close my eyes and see her there for months,

Even though she left me her memory lived on in my eyes,

Now she's with someone else,

I pray for her new guy,

That she doesn't hurt him how she hurt me,

Drained me for all I had and spat it back in my face,

When I had nothing left to give,

I can't believe she's finally moved on,

I'm happy for her in a way,

I can't hold resentment forever,

Even though I hold some today,

Now ugly yes she is,

She's changed physically too,

She's got a little bigger,

That's not meant as an insult,

Sadly it's the truth,

I've gone much the other way,

Which is cool and I've improved,

But my mental state is shattered and I'll never be the same,

She gave me a dressing down for months and I can't disguise my shame….